This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
