just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
