maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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