I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
