Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
