remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
