well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Randomize
