Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
