Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
