____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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