i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
