Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
