I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
