The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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