I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
