3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Four minutes until I can fart!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
