everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
