In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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