Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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