we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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