Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
