i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
