bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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