My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
