Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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