She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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