i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
