As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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