i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She even gives head with a lisp.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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