If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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