Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
