do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
