We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
