So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
