ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
