just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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