i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
