this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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