I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Farmville is her only friend.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
