sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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