she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
