Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
