this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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