So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
