i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
