Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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