I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
