Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
