it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
