Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
