like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
