Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
