You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
