I need help removing her.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
