I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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