I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
